Whenever things get busy, emotional, intense, overwhelming, crazy, etc. I chafe against my commitments. I immediately think, Fuck, why did I agree to do this? The point of this thing isn't to stress me out, it's to do something I care about. Skipping a day doesn't matter. It's about the cadence. One day is a statistical zero. It's about showing up consistently in the long run, not forcing myself to do it today.
Wrong. A commitments isn't about the other days. It's about today.
The reason I commit to showing up isn't so that I show up on the days I want to, it's so that I show up on the days I don't. It's about the way my practices support me when I want to do absolutely anything other than work my feelings into words. The opportunity it gives me to connect vulnerably to myself so that I might take a stand publicly as a real person who has feelings that I am often still shocked to discover are apparently quick relatable to others.
So today I don't want to write. My (not quite) ex-wife has agreed to an uncontested divorce after something like 21 months of separation and a good deal of all the emotional upheaval that I've come to understand is pretty much par for the course in these things.
I have too much to say about it, which I've found is far harder to find my way into. But the way in is simple. Just start. And that's where the commitment comes in. My practice forces me to start everyday. And each day a little more comes out.