I'm experiencing a particular kind of emotional vertigo caused by consistently doing things outside my comfort zone. Reference points are shifting. I feel unmoored, a bit cut adrift from my old anchors. I know this space and process is heading in the right direction. I know I don't need to see beyond the horizon, or even out of the bay. But I fear the storms over the horizon, even if I know the vessel and crew I'll meet them with are of an entirely different cut than the last ones that left me shipwrecked.
And yet I can't seem to stop (and don't want to) making choices and doing the work that take me further out to sea. The only way out is through. To continue to transition and do more vulnerable work to create the personal safety I desire. To continue to explore my own music and conceptual art and put myself into new and vulnerable spaces. To continue to explore the new and vulnerable spaces of The Outwork and how to show up in service of other artists working to create platforms around their work.
I'm feeling....well....vulnerable. The solution? Show up and be vulnerable about how vulnerable I'm feeling. It feels...vulnerable. Getting the pattern here? I'm feeling a bit overexposed. And yet I feel passionate about the way I'm learning to show up in the world. I don't want to cover myself, but I'm wondering if perhaps I need to have some more practices a bit more privately.
I forced myself to play an hour live set at home last night. I've been thinking a lot about gigging and knowing I need to just practice in the longer format to get more comfortable in it. My alarm went off at 42 minutes and i accidentally pressed pause, so here's the first 42min.
The press materials are up for the EFA show I'm a part of. The opening is next week 1/31 on zoom, and I'll be on a panel 1/7. Would love to see some of you there!