I love these rhythms that push and pull against each other. Bringing them in and out of easy sync and then reinforcing a root pulse after a period of tension.
Often the most profound work for me is just showing up and doing it again. I have a lot of my mind in my personal relationships. Everything is swirling, moving. It's not a bad thing necessarily, but in the past it would have carried me away.
I'm learning that my work isn't precious. Not because it isn't valuable to me. But because there is more. I sat down to write today and just wanted in a place for more words. I usually force myself to push through to the full three pages. This morning it felt like I was guided to my synth instead. I push through when it feels like I'm resisting, like I want to quit because I'm lazy, tired, whiny, etc. But when I feel called to express myself elsewhere, I try to listen.
I was doing some experimentation with more out there modulation. The thing about modular synthesis is that it's very easy to end up with errant bleeps and bloops, and away from what I'd consider more "musical" ideas and phrasing. But I do need to do this experimentation, it's part of my practice to outline the edges so that I can brush up against the tension they produce. I got a little frustrated and tired of the bleeps. I pulled the cables, got up, but then sad down again. I had already given myself permission to not post a recording today.
As usual, whenever I play for myself, I'm always happy with the result and I find myself reaching for the red button. This time without all the extra cables to multi-track into Ableton. I sometimes experience a kind of guilt now - What if the levels aren't right? What if I want to release this track and can't get it to the level of quality I'm now pursuing? First, the level of quality I'm pursuing is an honest reflection of my process. Second, there will always be more. There will be another track. Probably tomorrow. The best way to do it better is usually to do it again.
Working on getting these done and out before noon. I've been feeling the pull in the evenings of having them pending.