A remix of Fallow Dear - Intent

Yesterday I bottomed out my energy stores again. My long term COVID symptoms were all back, the exhaustion, the vertigo, the tremors in bed and brain fog. I saw my acupuncturist who patched up my body and energetic system and sent me on my way. I saw my PCP this morning. Both said the same thing.

It's not the vaccine. The vaccine may have exacerbated the situation, but what it did was deplete your energy stores which weren't great in the first place. I'm running close to the metal. There's not much space for the pendulum to swing, and when it bottoms out it takes time to start swinging and there's some splintered wreckage in my system to clean up.

The balance is simple - are you putting more energy into your body than you're putting out? This is the math of energetics. Energy isn't produced by magic, although you can draw it from the air if you sit still and breathe.

When we're unintentional, we lose energy. When we let our emotions get stuck and don't do the work to move them along and through, we expend our energy as they churn away trying to move up from where we've pushed them down into the dark. I listened to this excellent podcast today by, Brene Brown with Emily and Amelia Nagoski on completing the stress cycle - we often deal with the stressors and think we've completed the work, but that we must then deal with the stress.

When we complete cycles our lives, we must complete the emotional cycles that underly them. At the end of these 100 days, I'm realizing that I need to allow a corresponding emotional process to complete, and that I must be an active participant. My best tool is my creative work itself. A place to sink my feelings into and to allow them to transform in the alchemy of artistic artifact. My spiritual and emotional process is the product.