Today I played my synthesizer live for someone outside of my own home that I've never met. I'm a bit shy that this was a first for me. Where did we get these narratives from that we should have already done the things? Was it wanting to be cool in high school? That your band should already have played a gig to be able to book one? When did I lose the ability to be excited about my first? To immediately want to move on to the next one. Oh great, now I don't have to do that for the first time again. Maybe it's that I want to hide that I haven't put myself out there more. It seems silly now. Why haven't I been gigging? I don't have a good answer other than that I haven't yet. I've been waiting for the right time. I've been incubating. Well the turkey's been done darling.

Last weekend NYC reopened arts and entertainment venues at 33% capacity. Which means I could play live somewhere in person. I feel the pull in my root. I want to hear my music over a big sound system. I need to do this. I'm putting it out there. I don't care what time of day or how many people are listening. I am ready to not be ready.